Zechariah 13:9

And I will bring the third part through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried; they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God. Zechariah 13:9

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Who On Earth Do I Think I Am?

Thursday, 30 September 2010

  • Who On Earth Do I Think I Am?

    I am doing it again!  And it makes me very unhappy!  I am looking around.  I am looking around at other people, other circumstances,   I am looking around to find my fulfillment.  I have lost my focus and the spiritual high that I was on for weeks.  I know when the "slide in the ditch" began.  When I had committed to taking the 40 day challenge of faith, hope and charity, it was a time of searching the scriptures and taking time each morning for prayer.  The 40 days ended and after awhile, I slide back into the old habit of getting out of bed, rushing into our busy days on the farm and making an attempt at getting all the laundry, school, cleaning and cooking done (plus helping out at the barn), and I laid aside time spent with the One who cares about me the most.  I took on all the earthly cares and worries and decisions, for I can handle them myself, right?  I can make things happen when I want them to happen and I can determine who I am by "looking around", isn't that so? 
    I have often contemplated on the life of Jesus and how He was able to not only survive many hardships, temptations, mockeries, etc. while He walked on earth, and still be so peaceful and sinless.  He brought life to His followers and was the perfect example for us.  It was only because His focus was ALWAYS on His Father and doing His will.  Jesus was continually in communication with God and everything He did was directed by God and by living in that submissive state, He was perfect.  He found His fulfillment in His Father.   I can weep sometimes in my longing to live in that state, also.  To always have my eyes focused up and not around....ok, Lord, what should I say to this hurting person... ok, Lord, what lesson do you have for me this day....ok, Lord, help me be pleasant, even though, I feel grumpy....Lord, help me be kind, patient, and loving to the boys while we are doing school, even though the dishes are screaming at me and the laundry isn't hung out yet.....help me to see other people's circumstances through Your eyes.....help me to love as You love......help me to forgive as You forgive....  When Jesus walked on this earth, He was in the form of a man, but He was still God's Son.  He could have lived in that heavenly existence, but instead, He choose to become a servant.  "But, made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men; And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross."  Am I willing to make myself of no reputation?  Would I be perfectly content to be talked about and ridiculed?  Would I be willing to be blamed for something I didn't do and not defend myself?  Jesus never defended Himself!  He defended others, but never Himself.  Would I still go on facebook or blog if I knew not one person appreciated what I wrote?  Do I really mean it when I say I want to pattern my life after His?  I cannot afford to "look around" and do any kind of comparing, for my energy needs to be put into seeing myself compared to Jesus and Him alone.  If that would be accomplished, there would be no room for gossip, condemnation, criticism, or pride in my life.  I would see my own wretchedness, my own "beam".  I would be able to truly pour out unconditional love, understanding, and compassion to others around me, especially the sinners.  I would be a servant.  "Oh, Lord, open my eyes to who on earth I really am.  Help me each day to find my fulfillment by looking upwards and not around.  Create in me a servant's heart, that I might serve my family and those around me with a love like Your love.  Give me strength and contentment to be of no reputation, but to be confident in Your love and exceptance. Amen"
    Until next time...........  

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