Confession of Anxiety

Tuesday, 09 February 2010

• Confession of Anxiety

   Yes, I am admitting to having anxiety and yes, I also know that the scriptures say more than once that we are not to worry or be anxious.  Why is it so easy to read those verses, believe what they say, but find it hard to apply them to our daily lives?  The area in my life that brings anxiety is when the children are sick.  Sickness and the Weidenhammers have walked together for a long time.  It started when Ben was born 3 months early  He had alot of respiratory issues and spent the first 2 years of his life on alot of medication, spending time in and out of the hosp. just so he could breathe better.  Solomon was born almost 5 years later and was at deaths door before they realized that he needed heart surgery.  For about 2 years afterwards, he seemed to have croup.  Through testing, they discovered that he had stenosis of the airway, also.   We had to be very aggressive in treating him during any sickness due to the already narrowed airway (thank God, he outgrew that problem).  Georgie comes along and developed RSV before he was 1 yr. old and had to be hospitalized because of not being able to breathe and ever since then, he gets asthma very easy.  When Oliver was born, he had exactly what Solomon had (with his heart and airway) and struggles still with croup.  So needless to say, the thought of respiratory illness strikes a raw nerve in me.  When the boys get sick, I get anxious, sometimes very anxious.  It makes me sick on my stomach, my heart feels like it is going to pound right out of my chest and Dave accuses me of not thinking straight during those times.  I have asked God to deliver me from this many times, but He still has something for me to learn yet, for it is still my battle.  Like Paul had a thorn in the flesh, I guess this is mine.  An even bigger test for me is to have sick children  while being snowed in.  Phobic for sure!!  That is exactly what happened this past weekend.  The 3 boys were sick, tight on their chests, and coughing and coughing while I fought panic watching it snow.  I prayed "Shelter me in the blood of Jesus and cast thou Satan away" for it is him who brings this crippling fear on me.  It is not God,  "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a strong mind".   I am suspicious that the lessons for me to learn yet is that I need to increase my faith, and the need to daily surrender my life, my children's lives, and all situations that arise to the One who is in control.  Satan needs to be rebuked when he comes knocking.  In saying all this, I also realize that worry and concern are the normal reaction of any  mother who has children that are sick or hurt, whether it be temporary or terminal.  So where is the balance?   Can anyone help me out or give their testimony or advice?   Just sharing my heart....
  Until next time...........